From my kitchen to yours

From my kitchen to yours

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

A SPECK OF SAND...

It has to be understood ..
That there is no life without a tussle..
No understanding about being misunderstood ..
No heart without longing ..
No love without the greatest wait..

And yet this life we live is beautiful ..
In all it's brokenness..
It's misunderstanding ..
It's tumultuous escapades..
And in the wait for what will never be yours..

And in this wave that cannot be caught..
The water does touch the farthest sands on a shore ..
And stays..
Even if for a nano second..
And in that span of time..
That grain of sand washes it self clean of the past and sparkles like never before..

Does it sit in wonder of the next wave ..
That may or may not reach the shore ..
Or does it continue to dance with the winds of change ..

I really don't know..
Because I'm but not half as brave as that grain of sand ..

I'm just human ..
And flawed and complete ..
Exactly like it was ordained..

And I have been given all and more ..
Be it happiness..
Or
Sorrow..
That has made me who I am ..

And then comes along ..
A wave ..
Like never before ..
And it just engulfs my being ..
And although it does feel like you are losing yourself ..
Like you are being displaced ..
That there is no terra firma..
And you are just being tossed around ..
Without being asked..
With no real knowledge of where you are going ..
And no idea of whether you will continue being a speck of sand or a pearl in an oyster..

That wave ..
Was always meant to leave..
That wave was never to stay ..
That's what waves do ..
They rush at you ..
Drown you in all that they are ..
Turn you upside down...
And leave you ..
As you were before ..
The same inside your core ..
And yet cleansed..
Different from before..
And ready to meet the rest of the waves on that shore ..

A part of me loves the sea..
And all it holds..
It's beauty..
It's brooding ways..
And a part of me respects and is disquiet about its unpredictability..
It's menacing tide..
It's intensity..
And it's depths..
That I don't want to fathom..

But life never gives you a choice ..
Just like the tides don't give the waves a choice..
They are sent hurtling to the shore..
Whether they want to or not ..
Did anyone ask the sea if it wants to be quiet and just laze around or then get into a fury ..
With all its menacing sound..

We could blame the moon..
The mischief monger
The spinner of a web of dreams ..
The one that causes so much of chaos to the tides and to us beings..

Everything is pre-ordained
And yet it is not
You can't choose to be a grain of sand or the wave
Just like you cannot choose who you love or not ..

You just have to let go ..
And give in ..
To the tides of life..
Sometimes you come out a pearl..
Sometimes a speck of sand hurled around...

But you have to know
You are in the right place
At the right time

And you were meant to be ..
Truly you..
And how you got here..
Will always be the mystery , it was meant to be ..

To love..
That wave ..
And a tiny grain of sand...

Siempre..


Wednesday, March 8, 2017

WORDS ...

.

And then she bid them adieu..
One word at a time ..
Till she had no more to say to them..

She sat in her favourite corners..
And sipped on her bubbly..
Listening to music that would sometimes make her cry , but now she wondered why..

Them words just walked around her in a large circle ..
And she softly said ..
Not today ..
Not at least for a while..

She sat alone ..
She sat with her smile ..
That did not protest , it just stayed on her lips, and was inching towards her eyes..

Think she had lost interest ..
In all the thoughts ..
That played a game of rhyme with her heart and her mind..

They watched her every move ..
The way she bit her lip and smiled, the crinkle between her brows, grown deeper with years..
The lines around her eyes looking so wise..

And sometimes them words, huddled close..
Looking into her eyes..
That looked like they wanted no more ..
She has played with them and touched them, caressed them with her breath..
And mesmerized them with her kind of magic and charm..

But now she sat there ..
Buried in the nook of her own arm ..
She looked like she needed to sleep ..
Or then in deep thought, about something very deep..
She had a smile on her face ..
No more tears..
She looked like she knew something, she was unwilling to share ..

She had walked her miles ..
She went home ..
Which was sometimes the shade of a tree..
Sometimes a rock on a mountain and sometimes a deep of the sea ..

She had the eyes of peace..
Satisfied ..
And flickered with gold on a dark night
She said nothing ..
And then she stood up and walked ..

Walked out with the beckoning sunrise ..
She turned around ..
Looked at all those beautiful words..
That she loved and inhaled and exhaled with abandon..
But she needed them ..
No more ..
She had said her bit ..
Too many times..

And she pulled her thoughts close around her ..
And spread out her gossamer wings..
And let the rays of the sun ..
Kiss her ..
She lightly flit around ..
Till the rising sun shimmered in her eyes..
She pranced and smiled ..
And felt at peace inside..

Her beautiful words ..
All huddled waiting behind..
She looked at them ..
Each one sparkling in the morning glow ..
She bent down ..
Kissed them all ..
And held them close..
They had given her so much joy ..
So much solace ..
And now she wanted them to rest ..
But they jumped around her and tugged at her threads..
As if to say don't leave us ..
While you go off on your adventures..

So she laughed and smiled ..
And told them to wait awhile ..
She needed to be alone ..
With all of them not impulsively and easily reading her mind ..
She wanted them to wait ..
And leave her alone for a bit ...

And she walked on a path , that paved a way as as she tread ..
It was different ..
It was new it had corn flowers and magpies too..
Hummingbirds that ware singing of beautiful things ..
And puppies that ran chasing the breeze..
She liked this path
With Dandelions playing in her hair ..
She inhaled the scent of a new beautiful year ..

She turned around ..
Looked at all her words..
And blew them a kiss ..
Said thank you for keeping her sane ..
And told them ..
She will meet them soon again..

She felt different inside..
She could speak her heart without making a noise ..
She , her smile and the sunshine ..
And this was just the beginning of a beautiful new story
That had a long way to go..

Love ..
She just carried with her love ..
That's all she ever cared for ..
All that ever made sense to her ..
In her heart and in deepest recesses of her being..
This life or this new one unseen ..



Friday, February 3, 2017

WHAT I LEARNT IN 2016 - JANUARY

Ziggy Mars and Zeke Zidaan..

So I lost my Taz on the 26th December 2015, after a long struggle with not being able to let go and sickness.
I let him go, not because I did not crazily love him and want him to stay, but because, I realised that this is not the kind of life, he should be living.
Life for me just changed that day, he was the love of my life, if there is a soul that got me and knew how I felt, I know he did, and for me to let go of him was one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever done in my life, but it also showed me, that I would have to sometimes let go of hearts that I truly love, not because I don’t love them , but because I love them too much, and that's probably how it will stay, whether they are in my life or not.
I hated my home post Taz.
It was horribly quite, it had sorrow and heart-break looming over-head like a dark cloud, and even the leaves refused to sway on the trees.
Dew drops settled on the floor like a wet blanket.
I just could not deal with the fact that I came down everyday with no brown eyes that were happy to see me, and I had no furry love to cuddle and talk nonsense to.
I have actually called to to Taz.And wanted to see him once more.
But at the same time, I really did not want to lose any more ones that I love.
I had lost 3 doggies, Betty-Boo, Ninja  and Taz.
And no I did not want to deal with one more pet that I would lose.

So when my Vet sent me a picture of a really sweet black Labrador with the saddest 'come love me eyes'.
I just sent me a mono syllable answer ‘NO’.
And that was that.
And so life continued and I missed Taz terribly, but I knew that like a love story that will have a sad ending, I could no longer keep anymore pets.
Till I was one day having a conversation with my yoga teacher Eefa, and I was telling her about Taz, and she said that she lost her pet too and did not have one for the longest time, but as soon as she did, she wondered why on earth, she did not get one earlier.

So I actually thought about this, really hard, and felt why should I say no to love and happiness, when I can actually have it.
Yes I have lost three pups that I loved crazily, and why would I stop myself from feeling love, and being able to love, when all I had to do was reach out.

And I went back to that picture my Vet had sent me of that black pup, with the ‘Please love me eyes’..
And I knew that I was getting him home.
And so on the 28 Jan 2016, I took Zeke and Zene straight from school to Dr.Karkare’s veterinary clinic and was handed, this black pup with the saddest eyes ever, and as I saw Zene hold him, I knew, it was all going to be wonderful again.

Sad black pup and Zene Zoe..


He got into our home , and destroyed most of everything in the months to come, did not want to be hugged or cuddled, slept under my study table, next to my feet while I wrote, ate up the legs of all my chairs in my home, they now look genuinely’Distressed’..
He has chewed the bottom of all my dresses, because he likes hold the edge oh my clothes and take me for a walk, has littered his way into most places I wanted him not to go, and has barked at me like I was a stranger getting into my own home, he jumped broke his hind leg and now has a rod with 10 screws in it, has chewed the ZZ’s slippers, devoured dirty socks, that we prayed would be thrown out of his system as soon as possible, has uprooted my flowering plants, and run away with it if I shouted at him, has been bullied and slapped by the cats that live in my garage, that I started feeding post Taz, And behaves like a thug and chases them , only if one of the home members are around him, he has made friends with all the colony dogs, and wants to go out and play with them all the time, every time he hears them in the garden, he comes and tugs at us, and makes cute sounds, which means, my friends are out and I want to go run with them.
So on the 28th January it has been a year since he came into our lives, and I totally love it.

The little thugster...ZiggyMarsWarsi...



Today Ziggy Mars wants to be hugged and cuddled and wants to be chased while he runs of with a coconut in his mouth.
What can I say he is born on the 2nd Dec 2015, is a Sagi puppy and I’m totally in love with him, he showed me that I can  always feel like I do about my Taz who is now a mulberry tree in my garden, But I still have place in my heart for him, and always will.

Ziggy Mars my little love...

So yup, in the event you lose someone you love , if you had to let them go, leave them or they just one day never returned.
Yes you will love again, and it will be differently beautiful.
But love you will , because that what our hearts are made for, to simply LOVE.


Ziggy Mars my Sagi Crazy pup...